I had a nightmare, my mom died in it and I was coping really hard. It feels real. I am grieving in my own dream.
Then I wake up, and I found her sleeping soundly beside me. A surge of relief flows through me and I thank the Lord who gives me more time with her.
If and only if every death is just a nightmare.
In this real life (if this life is real), the loss of a person will cause the people who love them mourn. They wish that it is just a lie, a nightmare, or even a joke. The only thing that brings them to reality is when they see the cold body, pale and motionless.
Ted-ed: At What Moment You Are Dead ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5c6C3rHOdf8 )
Life is a lesson, so is death. ‘Kematian yang membangkitkan’, have you heard about this phrase anywhere? I did. So here is some of the things I learned when I experienced loss of my loved ones:
1 ) The worst thing about coping with loss is regret and it might follow you for the rest of life.
“I should have called him more”
“I should tell him that I love him”
“I should not have taken her for granted”
So let us free ourselves from regret. Take baby steps first; Hug a little tighter, kiss a little longer, and learn to convey your love with action and words. It might not be perfect, but at least you tried, right?
2) Identify the most important people in your life.
Ohana means family, family means nobody gets left behind – or forgotten. Know how to differentiate your family, friend, and outsider. Friends are fun; you just can’t get enough of them. But family are the core, they matter most even when you don’t feel like it.
And when you love someone, you want to be with them in this life and the hereafter. Imagine, living in a beautiful castle with your family and enjoying delicious food together. Well, let us aim for that (or better) in the heaven.
3) Treat everything as the last.
You get used to ‘balik kampung’ every year, little that you know that it might be the last time you see your grandparents. The last Ramadhan, the last pray, the last conversation.. we never knew which one is the last. But when we treat something as the last moment, we tend to do it more seriously. We try to give our best because it is the last chance that we have. And we lose nothing by doing our best even if it is not the last.
3) Everything about us is nothing but a memory embedded in our brain.
We spent hundreds (thousands) of money to travel around the globe and doing amazing things like skydiving or skiing. We do family trips or just a simple eat-out together, having fun. And what comes after that? What is left on long term duration apart from the pictures and souvenirs? They are memories.
The thing that we missed the most about a person is his presence, a recollection of memories that he had been here with us. How the person smiled, the sweet things he did, her words and more things that reminded us of them.
Being a Y-Generation, we can easily be obsessed with our gadgets and the social network. So how about putting aside our camera to enjoy the view better with our eyes, or keep our phone away and have an actual conversation? Let us take our time and enjoy the moments.
4) You only live once, a life that you can be in control.
You can actually choose the kind of life you want to live in. It is YOUR life after all. So ignore all the negativity and start to focus on the blessings. Discover new things, explore new cultures, taste new food, and lots more. Be a good human being who benefits others, take good care of the earth, and spread the peace and unity. At this age, you can actually be whatever you want.
Death is inevitable. Like Yin to the Yang, or like Sadness to Joy in the movie ‘Inside Out’, we need to accept death for us to learn about life.
Written by,
NHZ
